After almost a year messing around with Maya's nCloth my work college and me had in sudden insight, that there is no easy way to set up the mass for an particle based cloth object, when a user has to be specify the mass for a cloth object's single point (particle) .
Although i will use nCloth here as example solver i guess this article could be useful with other simulation systems or even if you attempt to write your own user-friendly solver.
Naming the area of the whole mesh "aM", the average area of a point "aP", the mass of the whole mesh "mM", the number of vertices "nP" and the mass per square unit as mU
The mass of a single point can be calculated like this:
mP = (aM / nP) * mU